Fulfilling the Scriptures as the Body of Christ

Today’s gospel lesson, the good news, begins with “Then Jesus….”  It is curious this word, “Then.”  It begs the question, “Then….when?”  When precisely does our story take place?  This morning, I’m going to start with a recap of what has come before.

The gospel of Luke begins with the prophecy of Jesus’s birth, the story of his birth, a fascinating account from childhood in which Jesus himself claims to be the Son of God.  We then fast forward to Jesus at 30 years of age being introduced by his cousin John, he is baptized in the Jordan, at which point a voice from heaven is reported to have declared, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”   

We are given Jesus’s genealogy declaring Jesus comes not only from the Jewish royal line as a descendant of David, but reaches further back to Adam (the first man) and ultimately to God, establishing for the reader the validity of these reports that Jesus has been declared God’s son by a disembodied voice from heaven. 

Jesus, having been filled with the Holy Spirit during his baptism, is then driven into the wilderness for forty days, where he is tempted by Satan, and engages in fasting and prayer.  At the end of forty days, Satan leaves Jesus until a more opportune time. 

“Then….”  Then Jesus, still filled with the power of the Spirit, returns to Galilee, and starts his ministry of preaching. 

Having traveled around a bit (we are not told how long), Jesus returns to his home town, Nazareth, and he goes to the Synagogue on the Sabbath.  Jesus was a regular there, we are told.  He’s a good Jewish boy.  Minds his manners, holds to the law, treats his elders with respect, he behaves himself; keeps his nose, and in a cultural context steeped in religious purity every other part of his body, clean.

Jesus is handed a scroll this day, from the prophet Isaiah.  Contextually speaking, it would not be a stretch to assume that Jesus reads in the Synagogue on a regular basis as well.  Typically, when scriptures were read publicly, discussion followed.  The discussion, however, was not a lecture or sermon given by the reader.  If a homily was supplied, it would have been done by a rabbi.  More often, some scholars postulate, those gathered were encouraged to discuss the implications of the day’s text as a community, a single body of believers. 

On this day, however, Jesus breaks from tradition.  He reads the scroll handed to him, from the prophet Isaiah:  “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”  He rolls up the scroll, hands it back and sits down.  He does not invite public discourse, nor does anyone begin to offer a homily.

Instead, his reputation preceding him, everyone looks at him, and Jesus says, “Yeah, what you’ve just heard is true.  And it’s referring to me."

We share this with Jesus.  This scripture, which was “fulfilled” in the hearing of those present in that synagogue then is not a static script held in a single time, in a single place.  Scripture, by its very nature, is dynamic, active, alive.  The fulfillment of Scripture, therefore is not something that happened then.  It is very much something that is happening now.  Here.  Today.  In your hearing.  But not just in your hearing. 

We know that this scripture is relevant today because of the words of one of Jesus’s contemporaries:  the apostle Paul.  For as the body is one and has many members….so it is with Christ.  The church is the body of Christ.  Jesus is the head.  We are the members. The members of his body. 

If Jesus was the fulfillment of prophecy then, what are we to conclude but that Jesus is the fulfillment of that same prophecy now?  And if we are the literal embodiment of Christ today, then it stands to reason that we also are called to be the fulfillment of that prophecy now.

And each of us has a part to play in this.  Paul tells us that we cannot say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body.”  We have no right to make excuses.  We cannot rightly declare that the gifts God has given each of us are not sufficient.  We each have a part to play. 

God has arranged the members in the body; God has chosen each of us.  The design is God’s and God’s alone.  What right do we have to try to alter it or undermine it?  If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it.  Every member is important. 

Similarly, as “the eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you’” we cannot declare that the gifts God has given another are not sufficient, that they do not also have role to play.  In fact, those whose gifts seem small and insignificant by our standards, belong to those who deserve the greatest honor. 

In our culture, it is easy to exalt those who are most visible, most successful in the corporate world, those who hold the greatest material wealth.  Too often, our culture overlooks those who have less, who are seen less, who appear culturally less successful.  But these are the ones who make the world go round. 

Certainly we are not to cast the eyes, or the ears, or the feet from the body.  They are the members of the body who see and hear and move.  But ask anyone who’s been born blind or deaf or those who are missing limbs.  The body can go on, the body can compensate, the body can survive—not whole certainly—but it will go on without its most visible members. 

But it is the members of the body seen as less worthy of honor and praise on which the whole operation turns.  Without the kidneys, the liver, the pancreas, the body would stop working altogether.  The body cannot function if those members who are less visible, and often less exalted, are not intimately involved. 

God has arranged the members in the body; God has chosen each of us.  The design is God’s and God’s alone.  What right do we have to try to alter it or undermine it?  If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it.  Every member is important.

We, collectively, are the body of Christ.  We, individually, are the members of that body.  We are the hands, the feet, the eyes, the ears, the kidneys and liver and pancreas.  We are called, as the body of Christ, to be the literal fulfillment of Scripture.  We are each to play our own part. 

The part each of us plays is different, to be sure.  The role you are called to fulfill is one you are called by God to fulfill.  But as members of the body of Christ, we are called collectively to be the fulfillment of Scripture.  We are called collectively to seek:

• to bring good news to the poor
• to proclaim release to captives
• recovery of sight for the blind
• to let the oppressed go free
• and to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

As the body of Christ, are we doing this?  Are we truly a gospel people, who preach the good news in all that we do?  Or when we leave church on Sunday, do we find ourselves believing that we are the stronger members of the body?  Do we believe we can do without the “lesser parts”?  Are we instead a people who declare that:

• the poor are lazy and undeserving of basic care
• those who are bound by sin have made their choices and deserve what they get
• the blind must have done something to earn God's wrath and this is their just punishment
• the oppressed are not so bad off and it isn't our responsibility anyway
• God is a god of judgment, and as God's people, we have a right, a duty, and an obligation to judge as well? 

Are we members who make up a body that reflects the image of Christ?  Or something else?  I know too often my membership in the body does not reflect the image of Christ. 

Only you know what is in your heart and your head when you meet those who are poor, captive, blind or oppressed.  Only you and God.  If you find this week that what you’re proclaiming is something other than good news, I would encourage you to think back to all that God has done for you, extend your hand in compassion and fellowship, and do the same for those God puts in your path. 

We each have a part play.  None of us can survive without the others.  God has arranged the members in the body; God has chosen each of us.  The design is God’s and God’s alone.  What right do we have to try to alter it or undermine it?  If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it. 

When you encounter suffering this week, as a member of the body of Christ, enter in, just God entered our suffering in the person of Jesus.  When you do, as a member of the body of Christ, honor that person, honor their story, honor their experience, honor their life; just as Jesus honored us by doing the same.  For when you do, you truly will be the embodiment of Christ today, you too will be the fulfillment of Scripture, and all will rejoice in God’s love together.

Lessons on Being Thankful

Every November people on facebook participate in "30 Days of Thankfulness" in which they post one thing, each day of the month, for which they are thankful.

This was easy for me.  I have so much.

So, I decided to continue for a full year.

Each morning, I get up, I start my computer, load facebook, and update my status with one thing for which I am thankful that day.  This is the list, which will continue to grow as the days pass.  I hope also to include anecdotes about what inspired some of the particulars.  It is also my hope that I will learn some lessons along the way in this year of thankfulness.

So, here goes:

Day   1:  I'm extraordinarily thankful for my friend, Torafugu, who's always patient, kind, understanding, gracious, humble, and supportive.

Day   2:  I'm thankful that DT's reign of terror has ended.

Day   3:  I'm thankful for my father, who assisted me in changing over to winter tires this afternoon.

Day   4:  Today, I am thankful for my mama, who is a total rock star.

Day   5:  Today, I am thankful for my Lili-dog, who is sweet, and adorable, and loves my mother more than me.

Day   6:  I am thankful for my scars. They remind me that I am a survivor.

Day   7:  I am thankful for the time I had with my mentor, Tim. A century would not have been enough time, but I'm grateful what time we had.

Day   8:  Today, I am thankful for my brother, Christopher, who is kind and genuine in his efforts to find his way.

Day   9:  I am thankful for my friends and family. I truly appreciate your love and kind words; especially in times of distress, when you do not know what's wrong, but you offer support anyway. Thank you.

Day 10:  Today I am thankful that I am alive.  (This was the day I attended the funeral service of my first cousin once removed.  My response to his death was very different from the response I had when a cousin passed away in 2009).

Day 11:  I am thankful that each day we get to begin again.

Day 12:  I am thankful for my Sunday boss, Bob. He's awesome.

Day 13:  Today, I am thankful that I have access to clean, hot water every day.

Day 14:  I am thankful that I have audience upon which to foist my kitchen creations.

Day 15:  Today I am thankful I quit eating junk food one month ago. One month of dedication and I'm wearing a pair of jeans I haven't been able to fit into in well over a year. So long, sugar! I don't really miss you.

Day 16:  I am thankful for work colleagues who feel comfortable asking me, "Are you shrinking?" Yes, Heather. Yes, I am.

Day 17:  Today, I am thankful for my best friend, Rachel. Mocking films is just so much more enjoyable with you by my side!  (The night before we went to see The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn, Part 2.  Oh, the fun we had.  Women moaning when Taylor Lautner removed his shirt, my laughing at really bad jokes that were designed to lighten the mood a movie that was supposed to be serious and tense, but which failed to be either serious or carry tension, and the so the joke just ended up flat, which in itself was then very funny; as I stopped laughing other people in the theater began to giggle, and slowly spread throughout the audience.  Just as the laughter began to die out, someone snorted, which began the giggles all over again.  And we heard a woman whisper to her neighbor, "I don't get it.  Why is this funny?"  And I laughed again).

Day 18:  Today I am thankful for facial tissue. They are so handy when one is battle sinus stuff.

Day 19:  I am thankful that I the capacity to be alone without experiencing loneliness.

Day 20:   I am thankful that I can spend an entire weekend indulging in self-loathing and mental self-flagellation with the certain knowledge that at the end of it all, I will be ok.  (This was the weekend I had three orgasms on my drive from Rockwell City to Waterloo, and all I did was think about what it might be like to kiss Torafugu).

Day 21:  Today I am thankful that I am a lucid dreamer. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I get to play in a warm snowfall and spend my weekends at cozy country inns!

Day 22:  Today I am thankful for the maple brown sugar bourbon turkey that will be going in the oven in about an hour.

Day 23:  Today, I am grateful for my older brother, who's incredibly kind and generous. My life would be less delightful without him in it.  (The evening before he had been assaulted outside of a bar and his cheekbone was broken.  He truly is an extraordinary individual who made my last year in grad school possible, and who is a source of joy as I continue to watch him learn who he is and discovers how he want to live his life).

Day 24:  Today I am thankful that I had the opportunity to learn more about China's first emperor.

Day 25:  Today, I am thankful that I have opportunities to serve and bless others.

Day 26:  Today, I am thankful for 4-day work trips! No homeowners calling!

Day 27:  I am thankful that my friends feel comfortable reaching out to me in times of trouble. Or when they want someone to fawn over them.

Day 28:  Today I am thankful for trails that are easily accessed from my hotel. And for friends with whom to walk those trails.

Day 29:  I had the most awful nightmare this morning in which my Lili dog died in a horrific fashion. Today, I'm thankful this was just a truly awful dream and not reality.

Day 30:  It may be a bit frivolous or even shallow, but today I am thankful that I discovered and joined the "no 'poo" revolution. LOVE. My. Hair. Still need a trim.

Day 31:  Today, I am thankful for my new position at work. It's enjoyable and so much less exhausting.  (Technical writer for Andersen!!!!!)

Day 32:  Today, I am thankful for the friendly people at the postal counter who make life a little brighter.  (I sent a package of caramels and fudge to Torafugu.  As I was transferring the small containers of treats to the postal shipping box, the man at the counter commented on them.  I opened the container of gingerbread caramels and shared them.  He said they were the best caramels he'd ever eaten, and then pulled out his wallet and covered 20% of the cost of shipping the package!  What an enormous surprise and delight!)

Day 33:  Today, I am thankful for the Advent season. Anticipation, preparation, joy.

Day 34:  Today, I am thankful for my Biffle cat who likes to keep me warm.

Day 35:  Today, I am thankful that my boss occasionally makes remarks that, when taken out of context, sound really dirty and leave me in fits of giggles for hours after.
Day 36:  Today, I am thankful for well aged cheddar cheese.  This truly is confirmation, in my mind, that god exists.  Who else could possibly take moldy milk and make it so freakin' delicious!?
Day 37:  Today, I am thankful that I know what it means to be loved.  I am infinitely hopeful that one I'll also know how to communicate love to others well.  (Tim and grief.  That's all I'm saying).
Day 38: It is a small joy, but today, I am thankful for coffee! I am also thankful that I have people in my life who enjoy sharing it with me.
Day 39: Today I am thankful for my nieces and nephew. The whole noisy lot. My life would be less entertaining without them.
Day 40: Today, I am thankful for the people at the church I serve. They are a kind, warm, wonderful, loving bunch. And their Christmas parties are awesome.
Day 41: Today, I am thankful for friends who surprise me out of the blue with extraordinary acts of kindness; and for a God who seems to deliver those acts in the moments of greatest need.  (After an awful day of work in which I felt the constant frustration of unclear expectations and my failure to meet those expectations, I rc'd dried limu in the mail from Greg!)
Day 42:  Today I am thankful for a warm bed on very cold nights and otherwise.
Day 43:  Today I am thankful that my sister requested gingerbread caramels.  My kitchen is starting to smell delicious!
Day 44:  Today I am thankful that I was born with a deep love of learning.
Day 45:  Today I am thankful that at the end of it all, after everything else, I've still got the chutzpah to take crazy good risks.  Even when the outcome might not be what I want.  (Earlier in the week, I asked a man if he'd like to go on a date with me.  After P, G, and R, all you Christian boys can go screw yourselves.  Atheists for me!  I haven't heard back yet from him, and it's hard to be patient and not press him for an answer.  He's kind and genuine and very attractive to me.  I hope we can go on at least one date, just to say we did.  But if he says no, I'll be okay with that, too.  At least I have the courage to live.)
Day 46:  Today, I am thankful for thoughtful, intelligent Christians who live in the middle of nowhere.
Day 47:  Today, I am thankful for allergy medications and Tylenol
Day 48:  Today, I am thankful that holiday parties at work give me an excuse to play in the kitchen.
Day 49:  Today, I am thankful that some good habits are contagious. 
Day 50:  Today, I am thankful for good friends to stay with during snowmaggedon, and the cat/dog and fluffy cat who kept me company and toasty warm.
Day 51:  Today, I am unbelievably thankful for the Tama County road maintenance crew.
Day 52:  Today, I am thankful that I understand enough about html to figure out problems at work.
Day 53:  Today, I am thankful that my really weird dreams are not real.
Day 54:  Today I am thankful that I had the opportunity to lay helper elf in wrapping presents.
Day 55:  Today I am thankful for the hope, joy, peace, and love that was brought to earth in the person of Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, fully human, who chose to dwell among us, that we might, in turn, become fully human as well.
Day 56:  Today, I am thankful for Jewish Christmas. And the friends who introduced me to the holiday.
Day 57:  Today I am thankful for rope caulk. My room is so toasty warm every night.
Day 58:  Today I am thankful that Idris Elba exists. God certainly knew what she was doing that day!
Day 59:  Today I am thankful for time with my mama. Les Miserables was AMAZING, and I'm so grateful I got to share it with her.
Day 60:  Today I am thankful for my younger brother who makes a very fine meatloaf and the best mashed potatoes I've had in many, many years.
Day 61:  Today I am thankful that I have made it to the end of another year.
Day 62:  Today I am thankful that my mama passed her mad kitchen skills on to me. Pancakes for New Year's breakfast!
Day 63:  Today I am thankful that taking time to myself blesses the taste buds of others! A little sad that it also occasionally curses their waistlines....
Day 64:  Today I am thankful for the magical work of Dr. Tom. I promise I'll never wait 13 months again.
Day 65:  Today I am thankful for timely reminders that I make a positive difference in this world simply by being myself.
Day 66:  Today I am thankful for my Lili-dog who is never short on entertainment provision.    

Humiliations Galore

Oh, epic fail!

It all started earlier this week, when I asked this incredibly attractive man if he'd like to go on a date with me.

This seemed simple enough.  I was clear that this was totally casual.  I'm not looking for someone to be my boyfriend (what are we, twelve?), but just a casual date.  Are you interested.

This begs the question, however, of what casual means.

I LOVE this question.  Genuinely.  It delighted me that this was the response I got.  Define the parameters.

I love this question because it is precisely the kind of response I would give.  In fact, it's precisely the kind of response I gave many years ago.

At 26, having never really kissed a man, and on my way home from a holiday party with a friend, as we strolled the streets of Brooklyn to the nearest subway stop, we happened upon a couple of men, of similar age, and my friend being the not-so-shy and very persuasive type convinced them to kiss us.  To those of you who know me, yes, I am actually quite shy in some regards.  Her level of forwardness shocked and horrified even me.

But, there we were, and they consented, so she kissed one and sent the other to me, and he said, "Okay, let's kiss...."  And I said, "Define the parameters."

Actually, I asked, "How long will the kiss last?  Open mouth or closed?  With or without tongue?"  His response was, "Let's just go for it and see."  Not a good response in my mind.  I wanted to know what to expect.

So, fast forward to four days ago, and I asked, "Would you like to go on a date?" and his response was, "Define the parameters," and my response was to do just that.

I've heard nothing since.  Which is fine.  It's either yes or no, and regardless, I'm okay with it.  I took a chance, and regardless of how he answers, though I would prefer he say "yes," I'm proud of myself for doing something bold.

Then, today.  Epic fail.  Oh, epic fail.

I've been concerned, as this is a man I see on occasion out and about in life, that there might be awkwardness, especially if he wasn't interested.

So, when I saw him in passing this morning, and he made eye contact and kind of smiled, I smiled back and gave a small wave.

And being distracted, total klutz that I am, I wiped out.  Stumbled over my own two feet and barely kept myself from falling flat on my face.  I caught myself to be sure, managing to strategically place my hands on a desk to prevent a full on face-plant, and my shoulder has been sore ever since.  Right there in front of this gorgeous man, God, and everybody in the area, I make a complete idiot of myself.  Much to the delight of those directly around me who rather enjoyed it and laughed with gusto.

Humiliations galore.

I have no idea if this experience of witnessing my klutziness and proof that I really do need hazard cones permanently affixed to my hamster ball of personal space is working for or against me in this situation.

What I do know is that I chose to ask a kind, decent, genuine man if he'd like to participate with me in a social engagement in a public arena, and I'm waiting (patiently?) for his answer.  I truly hope he says yes.  I will understand if he says no.

No matter what, I know that I have the ability to choose to act out of a place of hope and grace and joy, rather than fear and pain and brokenness.  I figure knowing this about myself, yes or no, I've already gotten more out of this experience than I ever dreamed possible.  That is a beautiful thing.

The Long Expected Messiah?

It is Reign of Christ Sunday, the final Sunday in the church calender.  This is the Sunday in which we celebrate the glorious kingship of Jesus.  This is the week in which we acknowledge and celebrate his position in our lives as the ultimate authority, the ruler of all, the first and last, the king of kings, and lord of lords.

This is not the celebration anyone in first century Palestine was expecting.  For millennia, the Jews have been waiting for, praying for, searching for, striving for the Messiah.  The Anointed One.  Their savior.  They have been awaiting the arrival of the Son of God.  And almost no one recognized him when he came.

Since the time of Exodus, the Jews have been under the rule of one group or another more often than they have been independent.  The Egyptians, the Assyrians, the Babylonians, and finally the Romans.  The last, which began in 63BCE, also began the time known as Pax Romana, or Roman Peace. 

Pax Romana was, indeed, a time of relative peace, with few wars between Rome and her neighbors.  Within the Roman empire, however, peace came at a significant cost.  Peace in Rome came only through the complete and utter submisision to the empire, and to the emperor himself, Caesar.  And Caesar was understood to be the Son of God.  Caesar who was to be revered and worshipped.  Caesar who was not Jewish.  Caesar who demanded oppressive taxes from his citizens, including the Jews, and who would use the full might of his substantial army to get what he wanted.

The realities of Pax Romana for the Jewish people were clear:  assimilate, sumbit, or die.

It is in this context that Jesus appears on the scene.  Jesus gathers around himself a ragtag group of 12 men who follow him as he travels around the countryside, healing people, casting out demons, shaming the Jewish authorities, and poking Rome in the eye.

Jesus eats with prostitutes and tax collectors, clearly defying Jewish purity codes.

Jesus overturn the money tables at the Temple, threatening a potential uprising against the Roman government.

At the end of the day, only one person, Peter, recognizes Jesus for who he is:  You are Christ, the Messiah.

And Peter totally misses the point.  When he tells Jesus, "You are the Christ," what he is saying is this:  You are the one who will deliver us from Roman oppression and lead us into our golden age of self-determination.  You are the one who will overthrow our enemies.

At the end of three years, we find Jesus standing before Pontius Pilate, charged with sedition, and he is being questioned.  "Are you the King of the Jews?"

Jesus does not answer this question initially.   Instead, Jesus poses his own question:  Does Pilate question Jesus's kingship on his own, or have others prompted this trial?  In other words, "Do you accuse me of sedition because you believe I have attempted to overthrow your rule, or have others provided testimony against me?"

Pilate then explains that he is not a Jew, and as such, if Jesus is their king, he would have no first hand knowledge of it.  Rather, we learn that the chief priests--the spiritual authorities among the Jewish people--have handed Jesus over to Pilate.  Pilate asks him, "What have you done?"

Here is Jesus, standing before Pilate, being tried for sedition, utterly alone.  His own ethnic group has turned on him, the Jewish authorities have handed him over, one of his disciples has betrayed him, turning him over the chief priests and their Roman counterparts, and the remainder of his disciples have abandoned him.  Is this the picture of a king?

Kings and kingdoms of this world, in first century Palestine to be sure and in much of the world today, are ruled using fear, intimidation, and lies.  Disloyalty and betrayal are rampant.  These kingdoms are based upon the enslavement of many for the protections and increase of the wealth, power, and freedoms of the few.  "Like thorns," David declares in 2 Samuel, "these kingdoms cannot be touched--they are dealt with violently, with the sword or spear, and they are burned beyond recognition."

Is Jesus, one who preaches that those who are favored in God's kingdom are the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, and the peacemakers.  Make no mistake:  Pax Romana is not included in the category of "peacemakers."

Jesus tells Pilate that his kingdom is not from this world, and this is the reason he stands before Pilate alone.  It has nothing to do with his twelve closest being traitors and cowards.  It has nothing to do with the failure of the thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people Jesus has fed, taught, and healed to show up and witness for Jesus before Pilate.

Rather, it is because Jesus is not the ruler of a kingdom here on earth.  His kingdom is in heaven.  Yes, he is a king.  And his kingdom is not for the Jews, or the Romans, or any one people group.  Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to Jesus's voice.  Everyone has the right and opportunity to join this kingdom.

And what does Jesus's kingdom look like?  It is based in truth and faithfulness.  It is kingdom in which people are free from the oppression of sin.  It is like the light of the morning.  Those who are part of this kingdom respect God who rules justly through Jesus.

Make no mistake.  Jesus is a king, and we are citizens of his kingdom.

What does it mean to be a citizen of Christ's kingdom, which is not of this world?  How does Jesus's kingdom there engage or interact with our lives here?

We are ambassadors for Christ.  Wherever we go, we take his truth and reality with us.  We bring the kingdom of God from there to here.  We act in the now, while anticipating and engaging the not yet.

Do we believe that we are citizens of heaven?  Do we believe that God is in control?  Do we act in accordance with this?  Do we act in truth and faithfulness?  Do we experience freedom in our daily lives?  Because these are the promises we are given by our king, Jesus.  And as we anxiously await his return, we can rejoice in Christ's faithful witness.  We can rejoice that he loves us and has freed us from sin.  We can rejoice that he has made us to be a kingdom.

Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, the first and the last.  To him be the glory forever.

An Ode to Mom Jeans

Every once in awhile, one might find a snarky gossip column abusing women for their decision to wear high-waisted mom jeans.  They refer to it as a fashion faux-pas.  They write that it's not fashionable.  They tell us that women need to wear lower waisted jeans for a more flattering appearance.  Jessica Simpson is oft on the receiving end of such critiques.

Well, I'm here to disabuse you of the notion that high-waisted mom jeans serve no real function in the world of fashion.

High-waisted mom jeans are not now, nor have they ever been, nor will they ever be a fashion statement, positive, negative, or neutral.

High-waisted mom jeans are a vital containment devise for fat girls, a necessary vessel for keeping our fat rolls in check.

I know this because I am a fat girl.

I am once again a slightly thinner fat girl.  And I once again fit into my slightly thinner fat girl jeans.

As a fat girl, and not just an average fat girl, but at 5'10" a really tall, really fat fat girl, I know the importance of these jeans.

Having lost a pant size, I have been presented with two options:  purchase a belt or rifle through my wardrobe for smaller pants.

I went with the second.

I found three pair of wearable pants.  After a week, two pair were in the laundry, and I was left with one option:  bright red, low(er) waisted jeans with gold thread embroidery on the back (zippered) pockets.  These pants make a fashion statement.

That statement is this:  The last time I was a slightly thinner fat girl and unemployed, I desperately needed a pair of pants and these were on sale for $5.00.

That these pants sit lower on my hips than my traditional jeans is what sparked this blog.  Because as a tall girl with a long torso, it's difficult to find shirts that cover the gap betwixt the hem and waistband.  Let's be honest, people neither need nor want to see my jiggly fat rolls!

The single best method for keeping these jiggly rolls in line:  high-waisted mom jeans.  Every fat roll that falls below my waist is safely ensconced within my jeans.  Thus, they are neither jiggly nor visible to the rest of the world.  High-waisted mom jeans are worn as a favor to the world!

So, the next time you see a woman wearing this article of clothing, consider not whether it is trendy and fashionable.  Rather, be grateful that she has chosen to contain the jiggle, to keep the rolls in check, and to hide that extra wide expanse of flesh betwixt hem and waistband that no one needs to see anyway.

Two Down and Counting

It seems as though I am losing friends at an alarming rate.

Last month, I lost my dog, an incredibly traumatic experience.  A couple of weeks later, I lost a dear friend, a thoroughly confusing experience.

A week ago, I lost a family member.

A few days later,  I faced the potential of losing my sense of security and well-being at work.

In the midst of all of this, I've been struggling with the effects of PTSD.

And so it was, that when looking at the only situation in which the outcome was not yet determined, I uttered (or rather typed) a very simple prayer.

My status update on Facebook was simply this:

"Dear Jesus,

If you truly love me, please do not let the big, bad, terrible, awful happen.

Sincerely,
Me"

What followed was a theological cluster-fuck, some of it hostile, most of it incredibly supportive.

The responses went something like this:

1) A menstruation joke from my sister

2) My reply to her that I enjoy menstruating

The rest, I will not paraphrase, but post in whole:

3) [From a seminary colleague]  "I don't think Jesus is partial to one person's prayer and not another. There are a lot of people whose houses are gone, who are in the cold, who lost everything in the hurricane. And if children still get cancer, then I'm sorry MB, your prayer just aint (sic) gonna cut it. But I have to believe that Jesus truly loves them and you too."

4) [My response and final post concerning this]  " I do not believe that there is anything wrong with petitionary prayer, nor is there anything wrong with questioning the divine or divine love. It is, however, extraordinarily cruel to denigrate or invalidate another's experience or tell them that their prayers are in any way insufficient."

5) [Same seminary colleague from comment 3]  "I did not denigrate or invalidate you, MB. But I do have an issue with prayers that assume that God is in one person's corner, and not in another person's corner; that God somehow gives me preferential treatment, because 'I'm a believer and God loves me;' like the movement in the 80's (sic) of being a "King's Kid" and how that helped "Christians" get good parking spaces. I have heard an evangelist say that a person's cancer did not go away because they didn't "have enough faith." That is a horrible twisting of God's message and it turns God into a facetious, conditional gigolo instead of an unconditional lover of all creation."

This is the point at which I stopped engaging the conversation.  In large part because I'm having a hard time and I have no interest in defending my prayers.

To a lesser extent, I just didn't want to get into a theological or semantic cluster-fuck on Facebook.  First point being, I never indicated that I had been denigrated or invalidated, but that my feelings had been, in that my seminary colleague compared my (unknown to her) experience to those who lost much or all of their material possessions in the hurricane and children who are stricken with cancer. 

Secondly, I never asked God to favor me over anyone else.  I never asked God to stand in my corner and grant me anything over another person.  I simply asked that something truly awful not come to pass.

Thirdly, I'm not an evangelist, and I'm not Evangelical.  I've never claimed that anyone is beyond the love of God.  I've never claimed that God does not answer prayers because people lack faith, and I've never claimed that unanswered prayers for healing and restoration, and thus that sickness, injury, and death are God's will.

All I did was express my fear, frustration, and hopes in a very simple prayer.  For very specific reasons, I could not go into detail about the issue I was struggling with in a public forum.  However, I was confident that those friends who read my post would offer their own prayers or even reach out to me personally in the event that I could share more with them privately.  It was never my intention to ignite a battle on social media.

But, alas, a battle did ensue.

And it seems that everyone else was in my corner.

6) [My sister--I'm so grateful for her!]  "Wow, P. I'm shocked. I was taught that Jesus loves everyone regardless of their stature, age, race,etc. Just because one person is going through something doesn't make it any better or less than another person's struggles. God hears all our prayers no matter how big or small, how great or insignificant and he acts in accordance for what each individual needs.  MB, your prayer makes the grade."

I'm so proud of my sister's ability to clearly articulate these most basic sociological and theological points!

7) [My sister again]  " Tonight, I'm going to pray to God for the guidance for others to have open minds and open hearts."

8) [Aforementioned seminary colleague]  "Wow, R, I'm stunned and so disappointed. I was taught that God is not a vending machine or a puppeteer, but I guess i'm (sic) wrong. ... Jesus, if you love me, please let me win the lottery..... Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz..... Jesus, don't let my aunt die today.... Jesus please do this, Jesus please do that ..... Jesus please heal those poor sinners of homosexuality..... And we know you will grant our prayers 'in accordance with our needs." The great cover phrase that gives you a way out if 'you don't get what you pray for." And I'm sure that tomorrow, everyone will have open hearts and mind, because R prayed for it. Amen." 

How the hell did this devolve into a discussion of prayers for wealth and status?  How did this become a debate on homosexuality?  At what point did this suddenly become an all-out war over the theology of prayer? 

I expressed a need, a heartfelt desire.  I acknowledged a fear.  My (unstated) preference in this prayer, was that I would not be forced into a situation in which I would regularly be subjected to emotional abuse and bullying by a superior I have no immediate hope of escaping because of economic necessity.  Suddenly my crisis has become a circus.  Suddenly a single petitionary prayer has become the platform for lambasting the types of petitionary prayer that some people find offensive.  How the fuck did that happen?

 9) [My sister, with a level of snarkiness that may not be fully appreciated outside our immediate family] "Oh the maturity and wisdom of the elderly truly shines through......."

10)  [A second seminary colleague]  "Fortunately, Jesus doesn't seem to need anyone to screen his calls, or sort his mail."

This may well be one of the best responses I've ever read.  Witty, clever, and hits home the point.  Thank you, LD!

11) [My sister's final comment] "Thank you, LD. A family member passed away earlier this week and while that isn't the issue at hand, I'm sure the event and the upcoming funeral are weighing upon her greatly and causing added stress."
  
12) [Second seminary colleague again] "Praying for you and your family tonight, MB! Philippians 4:6."

Love and support in the midst of circumstances that are very trying for me.

13) [A very dear college friend] "
I usually pray for the same M, without the "if you" and a "and if it still happens, give me strength to cope with it" added on to the end.
I hope you are doing ok!
Love and miss ya! Looking forward to when we can hangout again!

Sorry for adding my 2 cents but...
@above Tough Love lady: I believe that it is the truth that "God does not see as we see nor think as we think" So we really can't make such statements. Nor does this prayer ask for favor over another. It is a simple prayer much like Jesus in the last days (paraphrase) "If possible let this burden pass from me" just humans crying out to God in our hearts sadness. There will always be someone with a more difficult trial to face, but it does not lessen the ones "we" face at the moment. I hope you can be a bit kinder with your advice to my dear friend."

I understand that it may have been my "If you" statement that ruffled feathers.  The simple fact is, though, that I included it because, you know, I'm human.  I'm not perfect.  Sometimes, my emotions do no match up with my thoughts or intellect.

14) [A work colleague]  "M, I hope that what ever it is that is terrible will not happen or will pass very quickly. The great thing about Jesus and God is that They love us all and do so equally. I know that you know this. Do not let the judgement, hate, and/or bitterness of others sway you. I will be thinking of you and, if you would like to talk (or even vent while I just listen) you know where to find me. In the meantime, chin up, you're strong and I know that regardless of what it is, you'll pull through."

(Yeah, I've got some pretty rock star friends and family).

Sometimes, I fear I might be wrong in what I believe.  Sometimes--when things get difficult, when life is hard, when tragedy strikes--despite all of my brains, all of my training, all of my education, all of my stringently held beliefs, all of my faith--which I actively choose--sometimes, I actually doubt God's love for me.  Not because I didn't win the lottery, not because I don't drive a Mercedes-Benz, not because a loved one died. 

Sometimes, I doubt God's love for me, because I've been conditioned by our society to believe that only certain types of people are worthy and deserving of love; and I don't fit the mold.  I'm too fat.  I'm too smart.  I'm too female.  I'm not feminine enough.  I'm too bold.  I'm too loud.  I'm not perfect.

I've been told by the church most of my life that God rewards those who are good and punishes those who are bad.

When tragedy strikes in the wake of some unrelated mistake I've made, sometimes I struggle against a deep-seated belief that God is punishing me.

When I'm struggling to maintain my sense of safety during a episode of PTSD, despite having a home and a bed and material possessions, when the reality is that I do not have safe places but safe people, and when all of my safe people are hundreds or thousands of miles away, and I'm faced with the possibility of being forced into a situation that I experience as having potential to be incredibly dangerous to me personally, I question whether God loves me, and I wonder if I've done something wrong to warrant such a change in my circumstances.

I'm human.  I'm far from perfect.  I have weaknesses, fears, doubts, and insecurities.

People tell me how strong and capable I am.  But I'm only strong because I've had to be.  I'm capable because circumstances dictated that I become so to survive.

But some days, I'm just tired, and weary, and I don't want to have to be strong anymore.  I don't want to have to be capable of bearing up under one more virtually untenable situation.

In those moments, I acknowledge that I fear I am not loved by God, and I plead that if such a situation might be thwarted, it would be.

In those moments, when my family and friends gather round me to defend me and my simple prayer of petition and hope, I feel buoyed by their love, support, and uttered prayers.

That first seminary colleague, though, has unfriended me on Facebook.

I'm not really sure what I could have done differently in this situation (or in the situation last month).

I believe I did nothing wrong.  I prayed a prayer.  For that small act, a woman I know, who is a fellow Christian, who affirms the love of God, and the worth and dignity of all people, ended her friendship with me.

People confuse the hell out of me.

This whole situation leaves me wonder who's next.