Deborah Kaye's Cookie Fiasco

After work today, I had to run a couple of errands.

I stopped by the bank. I paid the rent. I got cash for the weekend.

Afterward, I headed to the store and as I had a $10 gift card from work (oh, big winner that I am), decided to purchase things I might not normally spend my own money on.

This amounted to a LOT of standing around the store feeling confused because 1) there is nothing in general merchandise that can be purchased for $10 or less that I would ever have use of and 2) I have issues grocery shopping, since I eat a pretty boring diet.

However, I decided to take this opportunity to purchase something new. I tried. I really did.

I ended up with peanuts, which I eat on road trips and I have a road trip coming up, so yay!

I also purchased cheese, which I eat more often than I ought to, but it was a new brand, Australian, grass fed. Worth a taste.

I purchased a head of cabbage. Which I ate for dinner. 2/3 of it anyway. To the tune of 200 calories. I also ate a bag of spinach for dinner, to the tune of 60 calories.

The last item, which was actually the first item in the cart was a cookie. I do not normally eat cookies, so this qualified as something I would not normally buy with my own money.

It was gluten free. Oatmeal raisin. It contained very few ingredients, a moderate amount of protein and sufficient fat. I was not thrilled with the sugar content, but I thought, "Maybe just this once."

I looked at the back of the single cookie envelope and discovered there were only 160 calories. I was willing to take the plunge.

On the ride home, I tore open the single envelope containing one cookie. I broke off a small piece and began to eat it, small bites, nibbling on the pieces one at a time as I broke them from the larger cookie. It was a bit like eating granola. Or eating a granola bar, as it was quite soft.

It was a tasty cookie, to be sure. I enjoyed eating it. At first.

I started looking at the cookie and calculating in my head how many servings of oats must be in this cookie. It had to be close 1/2 cup of oats per cookie. Well that just didn't make sense. The cookie also contained Sucanat (a brand of raw sugar), canola oil, raisins, coconut, eggs.... But 1/2 cup of oats has 150 calories. How can they squeeze oil, raisins, coconut and eggs into this cookie for an additional 10 calories?

Something did not add up. So, I took a closer look at the package.

Serving size: 1/2 cookie
Servings Per Container: 2

At which point, I finished eating the cookie, feeling more and more disgusted with the company, their packaging, and myself for eating TWO servings of cookie.

320 calories.

Shit.

I tried to console myself with the fact that my yogurt this morning had been 140 calories and due to unforeseen circumstances, I missed eating at lunch.

Still, I had anticipated 160 calories. I had planned to have a snack that put me at 300 calories total. Suddenly I was up to 460. That's not fair!

Besides, who eats a HALF A FUCKING COOKIE from a single cookie envelope that is not resealable!?

So, I decided that when I got home tonight, I would be far more diligent and eat a supremely healthy dinner.

A package of spinach. A head of cabbage.  Roughage bliss.

It was a tasty cookie. But I won't be doing it again.

Because, really, who eats a half a fucking cookie? NOBODY, I tell you. Nobody.