Today, I hate my job. If any one of my bosses had been at his or her respective desk this morning, I would have taken the rest of the day off. I would also have seriously considered not coming back. Instead, I grabbed a friend, went to the product room, and I cried in my frustration.
The decisions my bosses' bosses' bosses (apparent) made in the last 36 hours are completely inappropriate. The way those decisions have been communicated are beyond inappropriate in so many ways, but really let's just start with the basic fact that said communication has lacked any level of professionalism or even basic fucking decency.
So, I was seriously ready to go home for the day. And I was seriously thinking about not going back. Ever.
However, as I do not have a second job to fall back on, and as I really like the work I'm doing [even if I do no appreciate the way I have been and currently am being treated by my bosses' bosses' bosses (apparent)] I figured I'd make the best of it.
Things only got worse this afternoon.
So, I made a decision.
First, I cried. I cried a LOT. And while my bosses were kind enough to tell me not to take these things personally, I really didn't need to hear that. I just needed them to let me sit and cry it out. (CIO ain't just for babies). Frankly, all I needed was the same thing I got earlier in the day in the product room--a safe person to make it a safe space, so I could distance myself from it. Being told to distance myself from it, however, only made it worse, because now I'm being told my boss that I'm good enough when all I needed was time to sort through my frustration and calm down. Now, I feel I am in a position of having to defend why I'm upset instead of simply being given the time to stop being upset.
Then, I made a decision.
I like my job, sure. But I wasn't designed, created, and placed on this earth for the purpose of technical writing. I was made for something more. I have a calling and a purpose, and worthy though my job is, much as I love it, it really is just a job that allows me to do what I have been called to do. It is a job that allows me to fulfill my purpose in other areas of my life. It is a job that provides me with the means by which I am able to bless, encourage, and love other people using the skills, talents, and abilities created in me by God.
So, tomorrow, I'm taking my Master's diploma to work, and I'm propping it on my desk. Not out of pride or haughtiness. But as a reminder that, when I think about quitting my job because my bosses' bosses' bosses (apparent) create environments that are oppressive and humiliating and frustrating and impossible to flourish under, I was created for something more, and keeping my job allows me to do that more and it serves as a constant reminder of why that more is necessary in our world.